Attachments
Our attachments are dear to us. The labels, identities, and thoughts we perpetuate and attach to ourselves make us feel like us. Of course, we spend a lot of energy reorganizing our attachments so they don't conflict - shedding some and gaining others - so we feel consistent.
When someone attacks, discredits, or belittle an attachment we hold, it hurts. Sometimes it hurts because we're worried about the attachment - we want to protect it. Most of the time, however, it hurts most because it questions our consistency.
If this isn't true, then who am I?
Maybe the higher order our mental attachments are, the more surface area we introduce for pain. Attaching yourself to the idea that the earth is round is specific, and probably pretty safe. Attachment to being the one with all the answers - attachment to being a good person - attachment to being funny, attractive, intelligent, informed, unique, morally superior. These are big, and they're going to be attacked.
If this isn't true, then who am I?
Maybe how we respond when our attachments are questioned change the energy of a conversation. And, as conversations bubble up to discourse, maybe the quality of our discourse changes our connections, norms, and communities.
Maybe we invite others to shed their attachments by throwing away our own, right in front of them. Right where they can see it.